Sid the Sexist

Sid the Sexist (real name Sidney Aloysius Smutt) is a character from the English comic book Viz. The strip was created and mostly drawn by Simon Donald until he left the magazine in 2003, when Paul Palmer took over as artist. The character was based in part on a friend of Viz editor Chris Donald.

Contents

Character

While Sid and his mates Baz, Bob and Joe, who are all Geordies, brag continually about their sexual prowess, each strip centres around his struggle to lose his virginity. He still lives with his mother. He is a desperate 30 year-old, unable or unwilling to use any kind of decorum when approaching women, using outrageously crude lines. Sid seems under-educated and knows little of the world outside Newcastle. It is even claimed at one point that he is unable to read. He is physically very unfit, has a prominent beer belly, drinks heavily, always has a cigarette in his mouth and is cowardly despite his macho pretensions, always coming off the worse in a fight. He is also in denial: despite the misfortunes that befall him he continues to display a blind faith in his crude attitude towards women and, when rejected, often tries to pass the blame for his failure on to the woman in question or somebody else.

The recurrent format of Sid's adventures is that he believes he has found a new approach to women that will secure him a ('This time... this time! It HAS to be this time!!') and invariably ends up being humiliated, often painfully. His attempts have also unintentionally led to several homosexual encounters which reveal his homophobia or, perhaps, latent homosexuality.

In an early issue of Viz, Sid approaches a woman with; 'How, pet, my name's Sid. D'ya fancy a fuck?' When answered with a definite 'No!', he continues: 'Well, would you mind lying down while I have one?' In another episode he attempts to pick up a woman by telling her that he works as 'an assistant to a well-established provider of goods to the younger end of the market'; despite being exposed as an elf in Santa's grotto in a local department store' by his derisive mates, he still attempts to keep up the pretence that his job brings him success with women--'Y'see lasses fancy summat [something] a bit special'. Although Sid's three companions do sometimes succeed with women, they are much like him in their yobbish, misogynistic, homophobic and racist outlook, never marry or expand their stagnant social circle.

Mates

Storylines

Television

Sid also starred in a spinoff animated cartoon in 1992 (also called Sid the Sexist) which was aired on Channel 4. The video was released in 1992 by Polygram Video, and the DVD was released in 2004. The DVD contained all five episodes. The running time of the DVD is approximately 45 minutes.

Oot On The Tap (13:30)

The lads begin at the pub, where Sid receives a black eye from a woman after a crude attempt to chat her up. In another bar, Sid, Baz and Bob disagree over the reasons behind the rejection. Joe warns them not to fight, but they end up fighting and are thrown out. This is followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant where they order the hottest curry dishes. Everyone else proclaims that the food is so hot it's inedible; Sid denounces them as "homs" just before discovering just how hot the dish actually is. The four of them then go out to a nightclub where Sid suffers a string of failed chat-up attempts that get worse as he gets more and more drunk, eventually resulting in him being thrown out for indecent exposure. Finally at the end of the night, Sid vomits outside a kebab shop as Joe places their orders and Bob urinates up a lamp post, Baz comforting Sid by stating "It just shows ye had a good night" and Sid claiming he wants "plenty onions" on his kebab in between heaves.

Euro Sidney (11:12)

Sid and the lads decide go on holiday to Spain following an argument in the pub over where to go, resulting in Joe giving Sid a black eye for calling him a "fat git". On the plane things instantly go bad for Sid after an air stewardess on the plane "accidentally" spills hot coffee on his crotch. Once they arrive Sid instantly begins abusing the locals and other tourists, embarrassing the others and earning himself another punch in the face for his trouble. Later on whilst out by the pool Sid refuses to put on sunscreen as he believes that as it's the same sun as the one in Newcastle, it can't do him any harm. As the sun quickly goes to Sid's head he tries it on with a Swiss woman before mistaking her and her partner for Germans, mouthing off very loudly about the 1966 World Cup. The police arrive and try to calm him down and get him out of the sun but he continues to hurl abuse at them, resulting in him being beaten up, arrested and deported. Baz, Bob and Joe see out their holiday on the beach with girls they have pulled whilst a heavily-bandaged Sid tries and fails to chat up a woman on a bench in a rain-soaked Whitley Bay.

Sid's Ship Comes In (3:24)

Sid and his mates are in the pub as normal. Bob tells Sid that he, Baz and Joe don't want to hang around with Sid anymore. Sid realizes what Bob is saying, and walks away saying: "Whahey, here I come!" Later, Sid is in the nightclub where he and his mates were in the first episode. He sees a woman in a red dress, and she takes Sid back to her house.

Sid has finally scored with a woman at last until suddenly, he discovers a white patch on his bed sheet (he has had a wet dream.) He hears his mother calling him and realizes it was all a dream. He gives a sad groan, and goes back to sleep.

Sid's Blind Date (14:05)

Sid is home with his mother watching Blind Date. He decides to go on the show in an attempt to meet a woman. After going on the show he invites the oblivious Joe, Bob and Baz round to his house to watch the episode in which Sid goes up against a slow-witted Brummie and a swaggering Londoner to win a date with a posh but naive woman. Despite Sid being his usual obnoxious self, the woman mistakes his crudeness for some kind of likeable northern sense of humour. The woman chooses Sid as her date, much to the surprise of everyone watching. After the episode goes out, Sid suddenly finds himself being very popular.

Later on, Sid's mother and his mates go to London to see him and the woman discuss their date on the following episode. But at the BBC Television Centre, Baz causes trouble when he calls the security guard a "cheeky Cockney twat" after being told that they should have gone to the London Weekend Television studios instead. They finally get to the right place but during the show it is discovered that Sid's date had not gone so well due his misapprehension that sex would be involved. Afterwards Sid asks the lady if they would like to make out in the dressing room. The lady finally snaps and punches him in the testicles. Later in hospital, Baz tells Sid he was doing fine until the lady punched him in his plums. The doctor appears and tells Sid one of his testicles will emerge within a couple of years. Sid gives a horrified gulp.

The Big Pull (3:55)

Sid is in the local Newsagent looking for some dirty magazines. He buys one and hides it in a newspaper. When he bumps into a lady, she discovers the dirty magazine he was hiding in his newspaper. Sid tells her he was going to buy one called Mammoth Melons, but he picked up the wrong one. The woman gives him a cross look and he sighs.

Later, Sid is still outside the Newsagent smoking a cigarette. A boy comes along and Sid gives him some money to buy a dirty magazine for him. The woman comes along, and Sid apologizes for what happened earlier. The boy returns and tells Sid: "Mister, I can not reach Mammoth Melons. Will Gigantic Jugs Of Joy do?". Sid gulps, and the woman walks crossly away. Later at Sid's house, his friends call for him. His mother opens the door, and tells them he is in his room. As they open the door, they find Sid masturbating over some dirty magazines. He looks up at his friends and goes red in the face.